Who ARE these people?  You know – the ones who always get the parking spots closest to the store.  I’ve never personally met one of them.  I’ve waited for long periods of time to try to catch a view of these mysterious people coming back to their vehicle and maybe, just maybe get their spot.  Who am I kidding?  That is never going to happen, because these people clearly are either aliens or phantoms.  Now, I am not talking about the reserved spots for the physically challenged, so don’t get all worked up.

I’ve been asking around and no one I have talked to has been lucky enough to grab one of these spots nor have they seen these illusive folks either, so it isn’t my imagination.  It is a mystery I have never been able to solve.  I circle and circle the parking lot looking for a space that is close to the front of the store, or a space at all.  I am a hopeless optimist, totally disconnected from reality, but I still imagine how nice it would be to park my car in one of those golden spaces.

If I were to look at this objectively I would realize how ludicrous it is for me to try to park in a space that would allow me to take as few steps as possible, seeing as how I have a license tag that states in bold letters “ILVROBX” (I love aerobics).  I would not be practicing what I preach!  But, I am a shop ’til you drop kind of person, so why not me for a change?  Besides, I do lots of walking while I am shopping so I get my exercise without having to strap on my hiking boots to get there.

My sister is ruthless when it comes to grabbing a parking spot that she wants.  She once made me hop out of the car at West Towne Mall in Knoxville and run a couple of aisles over and stand in the middle of the space to claim it for her.  It was Black Friday!  A 4 year old given this command would have had more sense than to do such an ignoramus thing as I attempted!


I did just as she asked and took my firm stance in the parking space.  About as soon as I planted both feet smack between the white lines a woman wheeled her car into the spot and yelled “YOU CAN EITHER MOVE OR I CAN HIT YOU!”

The tone of the woman’s voice and the wide-eyed, glaring stare that left me temporarily paralyzed convinced me rather quickly that she meant what she said.  The fact that I was knee-to-knee to her bumper made me a true believer.  I sheepishly smiled and hauled my knees and red face out of there.


About that time my sister pulled up beside me and I got back in the car, admitting defeat.  Her reply to my dilemma was “She wouldn’t have run over you.  You should have stood there!”  In disbelief I snapped back at her, “That’s easy for you to say.  You weren’t the one about to be run over.” 

On Black Friday there aren’t any parking spaces in the back of the lot, much less the front!  If you are one of the lucky ones to get a space at all, that fortune changes once you step inside the mall door. It is inconceivable to me that adult human beings will behave in such an uncivilized manner to save a dollar or two.  Those rude people would not let me through to get ahead of them!  Who did they think they were anyway?

I came to realize why the day after Thanksgiving is called Black Friday.  It is because if you shop on that day, you are sure to get a black eye from the poking and jabbing administered by evil shoppers



Beware – they are easily recognizable.  Their eyes are glazed over and their wallets and purses have credit card slips and receipts spilling out of them.    The worst ones are the moms with strollers.  They will dig those things into your heels without thinking twice.  It’s like the stroller becomes a weapon that gives them the license to mow down anybody in their way.

I left the mall that day with my arms at least a couple of inches longer and my ribs sore from diving across the mob and reaching for the infamous sale items, and I still have scars from the strollers.  All that reaching and pulling gave my biceps and triceps got a good workout, though.

It was that day that I vowed never to shop on the weekend after Thanksgiving.  What money I had saved at the sales I spent in therapy to recover from nearly getting run down and being mauled at the mall.  What insanity!


I stayed at home on Black Friday this year.  I even managed to avoid the Wal-Mart parking lot during peak shopping hours this season.  One advantage to doing your shopping at odd times of the day is that you are more likely to avoid the empty buggies that are rolling around like bumper cars looking for the nearest target.  So, when are the odd times of the day?  I’m not telling, for if I did then you would be there too and it would no longer be an odd time of the day.

I never get a parking space close to the front of any store, but I have had one close to a buggy return a time or two and that is even better, in my opinion, because the only thing worse than being threatened by another lady driver is having to push the empty buggy ½ mile back to the return.


I don’t mind braving the madness to shop.  It is a time to think about the person I am shopping for and that is a good thing.


There is much to look forward to in the New Yea,r too….like the JANUARY WHITE SALES!!!


I’m driving this time Sis.  Get ready to hop out and mark our spot! Put your money where your mouth is and don’t you dare move!  After all, she won’t really run over you.

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