Here’s a riddle for you. You can’t buy it at any store or sell it at any yard sale, but it can be manufactured. We’ve seen it displayed in the mall, at the beach, in the movie theatre, and in every restaurant. It can be burned, vacuumed, and shaken. We can even have it as a pet. Do you know the answer? It is body fat As if we didn’t possess enough fat, there is now a replica of it called “My Pet Fat”!
Can you believe it? This disgusting blob is supposed to motivate us to lose weight. Why would one need to pay hard earned money to buy fat to stare at when all most of us need to do is pull up our shirt. I wonder if this pet fat comes with a return policy? I wonder if the manufacturers need more? I have some that I would love to donate. Recycled fat. Isn’t that appealing? What’s next…my pet varicose veins or my pet stretch marks? How about my pet peeves? That’s a good one. Everyone could box up their pet peeves and display them as a reminder to let go of their anger and frustration. Maybe someone could open a pet market, then there would be no more need for flea markets, since these modern day pets don’t get them. We wouldn’t have to feed them, give them shots, or de-worm them either, so it makes perfect economical sense to me to replace the furry creatures with these motivational messages that massage our minds and inspire us to healthier lifestyles. After all, isn’t the purpose of a pet to please people? If we painted them purple, they could be called purple people pleasers.
I am awed by the fact that all of the billions of dollars spent on weight loss research could have been saved if only someone could have come up with this simple solution years ago. We would never have to learn to eat our fruits and veggies, drink our milk and water, or watch our portions. By staring at the pet fat, the excess adipose tissue could have just melted off our bodies. We wouldn’t be spending dollar after dollar to promote fighting disease with daily activity, rest, and eating healthy.I surely wish I could have come up with this fab, fat idea. I wish I didn’t have to exercise to burn my calories. I wish I didn’t have to avoid bellying up to the buffet, and it would certainly be nice not to have to work for a living, but rather sit back and rake in the income from the gullible people who would buy in to my idea. There surely is something else I could invent to give people an easy way out of our obese epidemic.
Maybe I can invent a recliner that comes with a remote control containing a button that says, “Delete Fat”. The problem with that is that I never get to hold the remote! Until then, I think I’ll do all of my pet shopping at Pet Smart.